


grant my last request

by elsanoelle



Series: Let the music heal your soul [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Steve Rogers, Break Up, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Daddy Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Smut, Steve Rogers Feels, Sub Steve Rogers, Top Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-20 03:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14886563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsanoelle/pseuds/elsanoelle
Summary: To be fair, had it not been for Siberia the extent of their relationship from start to tragic finish would have remained a private affair. The fact of the matter is, before shit had hit the ceiling, before the Accords, before Leipzig, before Siberia happened, Steve and Tony had actually and officially broken up.Not only did their love life end, so did Tony's involvement with the team.





	grant my last request

**Author's Note:**

> this ended up longer than expected sorry >_<

Project Rebirth transformed Steve Rogers from a sickly young man into the perfect specimen of human development and condition.

One of the many enhancements the super soldier serum had brought onto Steve was eiditic memory.

The ability to remember and recall an image or experience in precised detail, clarity, and accuracy had always worked in his advantage in this line of work. His photographic memory was one of the many reasons why Captain America was a walking lethal weapon - he never forgets _anything_ and has perfect recall abilities.

The serum transformed Steve Rogers into a super soldier and a true master tactician. 

In saying that, it was one thing for the Captain to have perfect recollection of events down to the a T. It was another, to have said memories reoccurring in flashbacks and projecting themselves unprompted -solid and clear, in sound taste and flesh - every waking moment like a broken record.

This was exactly Steve's current predicament.  

His subconscious was being attacked by memories of Tony Stark.

As if their brutal fall out was not punishment enough, his mind appears to be hardwired to project image after image, memory after memory of the genius engineer even at the slightest mind drift. It was a reoccurring theme; every smile, every fight, every chance he had _to tell Tony about it_ but did not take.

The flashbacks were so savage that a permanent frown line began to appear between his eyebrows [he frowned _that_ much], a mark on an otherwise pristine skin.

It was indeed unfortunate that whilst the super soldier serum transformed Steve Rogers into the pinnacle of human potential, it entirely miscalculated Steve's short emotional range and missed the account of enhancing that capacity.  Far too late for that now, especially since he had to messily fall in love with a man who shared the same demons.

In dealing with the mental burn, Steve humoured himself that maybe the super soldier serum was more upset with him for hurting Tony, than Tony was himself.

Whilst Steve's mind was crowded by thoughts of his ex lover, he rarely discussed the brunette openly, vocally. It became an unspoken thing that any discussion regarding Stark would not receive the benefit of Steve's input, even though Steve seemed to speak through his aqua blue eyes when it came to Tony. It never stopped him from paying attention though.

_Tony's out of the hospital_

_Clint's back with his family. He says it was Stark_

_It's on the news. He's selling the Tower_ _?_

_Rhodes is walking again._

_Phones work both ways, Steve_

Each time the topic of Tony came up, it triggered an avalanche of guilt. Steve would go over the vivid placards and video replays in his head multiple times, agonising over spilled milk, strategising various approaches to a past delicate heated moment to master all the ways he could have handled the situation between them better. He was hopeful that perhaps one day he would be given the chance to make things right again.

With the gift of hindsight, it eventually became clear to Steve that Tony despite his wide range of character defects, gave Steve everything he could give.

With this awareness came the Phone Call.

Steve had made no plans on using the phone that fateful evening. Steve had zero strategy in place, no rehearsed opening line. No pleasantries. Just his bleeding heart on his sleeve.

Just words.

He dialled, and waited. 

There was a click.

 

 

17 hours later, as the three former Avengers sat quietly in a freight train in the dead of night en route to a safe house, battle bruised and down-timing, the nomadic soldier softly hit the back of his head against the trunk he was leaning on in a steady rhythm, resorting to physical methods to drown the audio and visuals in his head. 

"Rogers," Natasha warns playfully, breaking the stillness of the night. 

Steve stops.

"Something on your mind?"

_Thump_

_Thump_

_Thump_

"Cut him some slack, Romanoff, our boy finally used that damn phone," Sam says, a smile in his voice emanating from a different corner. "He's allowed to be weirder than usual."

Under the moonlight, Steve could see a smirk growing across the Black Widow's full lips. 

Swiftly she sets on her feet to leave her personal space and crosses the boxcar graceful as a cat, and plants herself by the wide open door facing Steve, one boot swinging over the edge.

"Congratulations, soldier. So how did it go?"

Steve breathes quietly, he shuts his eyes and continues knocking his head backwards against the firm surface, hoping his friend would take the hint and leave him alone. All the while he continues to grip the precious cargo in one hand. 

Natasha kicks him with her other boot, startling him awake.

"We've got 5 hours to go, Rogers. Come on. I think we've suffered enough of your sulking. Pretty sure we've earned points to redeem  _some_ answers," the spy says, catching the eye of Sam Wilson and jerking her head to him for participation. "Let's talk feelings."

"Oh Steve doesn't do very well in that department," Sam offers, as he joins his two friends. 

Steve raises his eyebrows, unimpressed, and Sam grins in response. 

"Sounds like someone else I know very well. I think _Steve_ knows him very well too. You still owe me an answer from yesterday _,_ " Natasha says, making a reference.

"What did you ask him?" Sam queries, stretching his arms as he sits crossed legged between the Widow and Capt.

Natasha did not remove her gaze from Steve. _"_ What's going on between Tony and you?  _Really_ going on. Steve Rogers version, unedited."

The loaded question.

It was not exactly a mystery that there was nothing professional or platonic about the relationship that broke down between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. The amount of brooding Steve was doing and the facial hair he was allowing to grow to a point he was barely recognisable screamed volumes that the whole fight affected Steve only in a way it would hurt a lover mourning the loss of a sweetheart.

Nat for one never before addressed directly what had happened in Siberia - she was stoic in nature, it always seemed like she knew everything without having to ask. Hence for Nat to pose the million dollar question, Steve weighed that perhaps he finally drove her mad with his pining.

To be fair, had it not been for Siberia the extent of his relationship with Tony from start to tragic finish would have remained a private affair. The fact of the matter is, before shit had hit the ceiling, before the Accords, before Leipzig, before Siberia happened, Steve and Tony had actually and officially broken up.

Not only did their love life end, so did Tony's involvement with the team.

Two months later, the internet exploded with the return of Tony Stark at the helm of Stark Industries and the media sensationalised the frequent sightings of the billionaire with his CEO and old flame Pepper Potts, fuelling rumours that he left the superhero business and went back to the corporate world for her.

Steve licked his wounds by burying himself with work. If the Captain was not scheduled on back to back missions, Steve spent his time tracking the globe with Sam for Bucky Barnes. If he was really free, he'd visit Peggy in London to reflect how far he's come since Erskine's serum.

Steve would leave the retirement home reassured that he was where he was needed to be.

Even when it wasn't where he truly wanted to be. 

The separation became somewhat bearable, until Lagos happened.

It threw a wrench in the process, as Steve and Tony were forced to reunite under terrible circumstances. Their last conversation at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre in Berlin drew no conclusion, even when Tony admitted that he missed Steve and begged him to sign the Accords. Steve held his ground firm, refusing to cave into the arms of the man he loved with every fibre of his soul.

Because by that time, he had a feign idea of what the Winter Soldier may have done to Tony's parents.

He needed to be sure, and until he was 100% certain, until he can figure out the best way to break the news to Tony, Steve was resolute to keep Bucky and Tony as far away from each other as possible. Even if that means sacrificing himself in the act.

His plan obviously didn't pan out quite the way he had hoped. 

"I don't know," Steve mutters lazily without much context.

"You _do_ know." Natasha insists.

"He knows," Sam sing-songs.

"It is known," Natasha quips, and Sam seems to understand that reference.

Steve fights the urge to roll his eyes - it reminded it too much of Tony. But the interrogation  _was_ getting juvenile. Steve shifts in his seat uncomfortably, unsure where the conversation was heading to. 

"He doesn't want to talk about it though," Natasha says, mocking a pout. 

"Frankly, neither do I. I swear Natasha I am still traumatised by that one time I walked in----"

Steve immediately snaps to attention. "SAM _-_   _Fellas_. Can we not talk about this?" Steve huffs, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. He bows his head and twiddles the phone between his dextrous fingers.

“Please?” He pleads in the faintest voice.

Not that it did him any good.

A bored and curious Natasha meant a persistent Natasha. She was brutal. 

"No hang on - What _are_ you talking about, Wilson? Out with it," Nat orders, relaxing into the door frame as she hugs her other knee to her chest. Steve shoots Sam a scowl and shakes his head, begging for silence through his eyes. 

Sam shrugs his shoulders, feigning a conflicted look. Yeah, he was _clearly being_ arm-twisted.

"Rogers, we're having a moment here. I promise you; whatever is discussed here will not leave these four- _three_ walls” she corrects, and flops her palm towards the moving view, “and the open field."

Steve couldn't remember the last time he saw the master assassin smile this widely, relaxed. At ease.

Sam was also feeling light that night, despite having just been through heavy gunfire, the purpling bruises and cuts still fresh on his arms. 

He couldn't help but groan though - their fun was at his expanse and he getting nervous about what Sam could be sharing with Natasha.

"That doesn't sound very private, Nat."

To his horror, Sam starts to tell the story. Steve silently wishes for a quick painless death, because like clockwork, his brain was flooded.

 

It happened at the Tower after they had retrieved Loki's sceptre from Sokovia.

Tony had decided to throw a small victory party afterwards. 

They were not expecting a huge crowd, by Tony's standards, but invitations were nonetheless sent out to some army veterans, and their closest friends were expected to attend. On his part, Steve had invited the Falcon.

By this time, Tony and Steve had just started exploring their relationship and Steve was really looking forward to being alone with Tony again. To Steve's disappointment, Tony did not appear as eager, choosing instead to lock himself up in the lab with Bruce the second they returned to base, to study the alien weapon. Of course at that time, Steve had no idea what Wanda Maximoff had done to Tony that drove him deep into his mind to create Ultron.

All Steve knew was he was completely smitten by the man and wanted more. 

Which is why when the lab lockdown went on for three whole days, Steve was miserable.

At first, he wondered if Tony had a change of heart. But whenever he walked by the lab and glanced through the window panels to catch Tony's eye, Tony would return him the warmest, apologetic smile. Tony would occasionally give Steve a silly wave and if his mood was better, he would make hand signals just to confuse the love-struck soldier.

For reasons he could not explain, Steve noticed that Tony looked at him differently since they came back. Even though Tony had his signature grin on, his gazes were worried, as though Steve was going to disappear at any moment. 

Steve could see Bruce watching them, but since Tony and Steve had always had a thing the rest of the team called "bromance", Steve was not too concerned. He ended up supplying the two scientists with hot beverages and plates of sandwiches as they worked, just to be near Tony even for the briefest of moments.

Late afternoon of the day of the party, Tony unexpectedly paid a visit to Steve at his apartment just as the Captain finished showering. As soon as he heard Tony's  _"Honey, I'm home_ " call, whether intentional or not, Steve strolled out of his room to greet his man in only a white towel and nothing else.

Of course water droplets were dripping down his chest _._

Tony whistled, crossing his arms and leaning against the large couch as his eyes scanned the half naked perfect specimen from top to bottom.

"Here I thought there was a lot of grovelling to do," he said, grinning hungrily.

Steve ran his fingers through his wet hair, flexing his arm as he did and hooked one thumb on the fold of the towel. Steve had always felt awkward in his new body, never truly comfortable to put himself on display like that. Regardless of the fact that he was a beautiful man physically; his broad shoulders were evenly symmetrical, his torso was shredded, abs sculptured. 

The only thing that mattered was that Tony liked what he saw. 

"I'm a very understanding person," Steve said, looping a cheeky grin on his face. "You finally decided to leave your cave, Stark?" Steve tried hard to channel his Captain America voice but failed after each word as Tony started to approach him.

When they were toe to toe, Tony bracketed Steve's waist with his calloused, engineer hands and tilted his head up, asking for a kiss from the taller man. They tipped their noses, trying to determine which angle was going to make the other person taste the best, breathing each other other in.

"Well I did promise you dinner," Tony hummed low as he licked Steve's lips, and sucked Steve's tongue like hard candy when he gained entrance. His hands meanwhile began unravelling Steve's naked waist as they kissed, and soon the towel was discarded haphazardly. 

"Can we skip to your other promise please?" Steve breathed, before he returned the kiss, filthy and desperate.

"Oh you want to skip to the  _talking_ part now? We can do that," Tony said, suddenly pulling back, faking confusion. All while his hands continued to massaged Steve's firm ass, gliding one finger between the cheeks and over Steve's entrance.

Steve shot a moan in pleasure as his hips bucked.

Tony loved it when he begged, praising him every time he gasped and whimpered, encouraging him that Steve's moans was music to his ears. Before long, Tony had guided Steve to the sofa and led him to sit, kneeing Steve’s legs to spread open. Finally, _finally_ that mouth.

Sinking to his knees and nestling his nose into Steve's pubic hair, the sexy brunette inhaled the scent of his younger lover as he hoisted one of Steve's legs over his shoulders. Without warning, Tony swallowed Steve's cock head down its length and pulled his mouth painfully slow, giving Steve's cock a long hard suck that left the super soldier moaning loudly.  

"AHH FUCK _Tony_ ," Steve whimpered, his one hand giving a death grip on the headboard of the sofa and the other landed on the the dark brown hair as Tony's head started to bob. 

Tony sucked cock like a champ, not that Steve had any previous experience getting a blowjob to compare. Tony engulfed the head again, this time moving the tip of his tongue over the slit to swaddle the supersoldier's super precome that was leaking like a faucet. He sunk down again, took the full length of Steve down his throat, breathing through his nose. He hollowed his cheeks as he sucked and swallowed Steve's cock like a lollipop and Steve used all his strength from keeping his hips from thrusting into Tony's throat, conscious of his strength.

Steve was half way gone when Tony pulled off and jerked Steve's erection to take a breather. His free hand began to unbutton his own jeans and he kicked them off at record speed, in preparation for the big event. Tony reached out to his discarded jeans and dug into its backpocket; Steve then hears a small pop and swallowed. 

Tony's two slick fingers easily slid into Steve's entrance, earning a loud gasp, and Steve, ever so impatient, wiggled his ass before pushing down, fucking himself over Tony's fingers wantonly. 

"Fuck me. Were you fingering yourself in the shower, Steven?"

He _may_ have.

Two soon became three, as Steve hungrily demanded for more. His appetite was insatiable as Steve moaned and moaned and _moaned_ for Tony's cock. "Is this what you want baby?" Tony whispered as he jerked himself lazily. "Talk to me baby I wanna hear you beg for me."

Tony leaned closely into Steve's ear.

"You want Daddy's cock in you?"

 _That_ , did it for Steve. 

The words shot up into his head, sending him to subspace.

It was his ultimate kink and Tony was still finger-fucking him, grazing him in all the right spots. In that moment, Steve was resigned to his fate. Tony Stark was going to be the death of him. Steve didn't mind death if it felt this good.

"I told you I'd fuck your brains out remember? Tell Daddy what you want baby come on."

Steve's blue eyes flutter down to Tony's brown eyes, pupils blown, then to Tony's fingers moving in and out of him. He was mesmerised by the sight, no more than he was enjoying his prostate being hit over and over again. But Steve was floating. Sentences were not forming in his head as he drowned in arousal at a new height, so he mewled the magic words.

It pleased Tony.

A promise was kept that night.

 

* * *

 

"NO WAY," Natasha says, punching Sam hard on the arm, her mouth opened so wide that bugs could have easily crawled into it. Mouth still hanging, she turns to look at Steve, who had buried his face in his hands, wishing for death. " _Rogers you dog_!"

Steve was mixed in embarrassment and awkwardness as his pants grew tight at the graphic memory of Tony pleasuring him.

"Oh _yes_ way. It's a short story I know, but walking in on them going at it like rabbits - man's the mic drop right there. Thankfully there is still a God watching over me, because Stark was facing the other way so he hadn't notice. I have never clicked on an elevator button as fast as I did that day. After all these years I still have trouble looking at Stark without recalling the image of his white boy ass in my brain."

Even with super memory, Steve only vaguely remembers a glimpse of Sam stepping out and scrambling back into the elevator, looking horrified.

He was _that_ high.

"And Tony didn't know?" Natasha asks in disbelief.

"He was _very preoccupied_ with this one _,_ " Sam says, picking up a strand of hay and tossing it to Steve's face, making him flinch.

This earned a big a laugh as Natasha shakes her head, faking sympathy for Sam. Fortunately for the red-faced super soldier, Sam was keeping the story brief without going into any graphic details. Steve would have thrown himself off the train if he didn't. 

But the damage was done and Steve continues to glare at Sam, pleading for the man to end his misery. 

"How, though?" Natasha asks, still grinning, still in shock. "That's impossible, wouldn't JARVIS-"

Steve looks up from where his eyes were hiding.

They trade the same look. 

"Ultron." 

Steve nods.

Natasha allows herself one last half-smirk. Her mind travels far after that, Steve could guess why, and the boxcar fell silent again with only the sound of the locomotive engine and screeching metal filling the air.

The mood turns sombre.

After a brief moment, Natasha speaks again.

"You two gonna be ok?" 

Steve gazes out into the night and shakes his head. "I don't know Nat. Really, I wish I knew what I'm doing. What this is."

"You guys are talking now though. That's a start," Nat considers. 

"Work from there," Sam adds. "Break ups are tough on anyone, Steve. You'll figure it out."

Steve hesitates for a split second.

"We weren't together anymore when Siberia happened. We weren't on speaking terms for a while," Steve says, knowing without looking that Natasha and Sam would be trading looks. Steve had never made a direct, open reference to his relationship with Tony, and he was finally, _finally_ talking feelings. 

Sensing it was a delicate topic, Nat carefully asks what had caused the break up.

He looks at her, as though also seeking answers. "Tony he," Steve starts to say, but stops himself. "I guess _we_ couldn't agree on what we wanted out of the uh relationship."

Nat's eyebrow shoots up. "And what _did_ you want?"

"I just wanted to be with him," the words rolled out of Steves mouth easily. It was the truth. 

"And Stark?”

Without warning, Steve's head warps out of the freight train and into the Avengers Tower, 18 months ago.

 

* * *

 

It was a cloudless morning. 6:13am. A Thursday.

Steve was on his stomach, his usual sleeping position, tangled under silk sheets and buried under soft pillows. As he blinked his eyes open, he could hear Tony's steady breathing, fingers twirling the tip of his blonde hair. The smell of sex, sweat and coffee filled the room as Steve took a long deep breathe, stirring awake. As he drew out the air from his lungs, he was slightly jolted by the cool wet trail that seeped down his thighs.

The remnants of Tony's spill from last night.

It made him smile.

The bed dipped as Tony noticed that he was awake, and moved to plant a long, soft kiss on top of his tussled golden crown. Steve felt his chest being ripped apart. Tony was so delicate with him, gentle, protective, even when he was larger than this man was, stronger, heavier. He remembers damaging that same man, leaving him bloodied in an abandoned bunker in a blizzard.

Steve couldn't watch, but he had to.

The serum truly hated him then.

This was the memory of their break up.

 

_Babe_

_Hmm?_

_Move in_

_\--_

_What?_

_Move in. With me. Move in with me_

_Tony._

_Steve._

_Move in with you? Here?_

_Yeah. Come on, it'll be fun. I know The Tower's not your kind of scene but it's empty. We'll have it all to ourselves. We can walk around naked - **you** can walk around naked all day. I'll watch_

_Tony where is this coming from?_

_My dick. But a fair percentage comes from my super fucked out brain. Seriously though babe, move in. I want to always wake up to you like this_

_Tony you know I can't_

_Uh why not?_

_Could be the same reason you won't retract your letter?_

_Ha. Funny_

_No Tony it's not funny at all._

_Here we go-_

_For Gods sake Tony you resigned from the team and I had no idea. How do you think that makes me look?_

_Oh I'm sorry, Captain America -_

_How is it that every time you make a decision that affects the team you go ahead and do it, expecting the rest of us to read your mind about it?_

_....O-kay you're upset. I'm sorry , lets forget I said anything - baby. hey come on, don't get up come back here_

_Why did you do it?_

_Honey. Steve. Please, come back to -_

_Tony we need to talk about this. I can't even pretend I'm not furious. Are you **ever** going to be honest with me? _

_I **am** being honest _

_Bullshit Tony you're lying to me right now_

_Steve_

_Tony. Try._

_You wanna hear it ? Fine. I can't do this forever._

_\--_

_What?_

_I know, I failed with Ultron. 100% my bad. Okay no maybe 70% because Bruce was in on it too-_

_TONY_

_I have a point. Getting there. The idea remains the same Steve- I can't fly the suit forever. I've only got few good years left in me._

_That's ridiculous Tony, Jim is an Avenger he's two years older than you._

_Yeahhh but that son of a bitch will always be prettier than me_

_Can you please focus_

_Alright fine, I've got other responsibilities too okay? I've been working on some things, a side project, I'm still working on the Suit. I'm still IronMan - just on the sidelines, tweaking the gear and buying everyone breakfast. Babe I know it's scary but it's going to be okay._

_What responsibilities, Tony?_

_Steve_

_What other responsibilities?_

_.... Are you **seriously** asking me that?_

_What is more important than us, **doing what we love** , together? I need you-_

_Doing what **YOU** love, Steve.  **This** isn't, this is not how I plan on spending the rest of my life. Fucks sake, even soldiers are  **allowed** to retire. Think about it. Once I phase out, we can slowly work on us, we can get our own place if you hate the Tower so much -_

_So we're back to **that**? God Tony first you quit, now you're asking me to move in ...I know what this is **really** about _

_NO. Yes. Okay maybe it is. A little. What if it is?_

_We've discussed **it** ad nauseum_

_Ad... Cute. Babe we can do this. I know I'm a work in progress. Have a little faith in me? Please?_

_**Nobody** even knows we're together! We've been doing this for over a year, nobody knows, we can't just suddenly get-_

_SO WE'LL ANNOUNCE IT one step at a time. I'll do it Steve, I swear to you I've made some -_

_Tony, what you're asking of me ..you do realise you're effectively asking **me** to give up the Avengers as well? As in eventually? We can't do that. It's selfish. Think about Wanda and Vision. They need us both in the team._

_Steven. I get that. It scares me that you don't think there's an end to all this. You can't be Captain America forever. It's not normal. You're not **supposed** to do this forever - where are you going? _

_I've got a briefing._

_Baby don't do this. Please? Don't walk out on me_

_There's no getting through to you. I'll put it on record that_   _I've spoken to you and you're not changing your mind._

_Steve **forget** about me quitting for a second. Alright? Just. I'm laying all my cards now Rogers. I'm all in if you are._

_Tony ....it's impossible._

_Don't, don't say that. I'm asking you. To please. Think about it. That's all_

_I have, Tony. I'm sorry but I can't. I love you. But I can't, not at the cost._

_.._

_So that's a no._

_Tony, being able to do the things we can but consciously walking away from doing what is right - that's not who we are. If people started walking out, who's left to defend the innocent? I was **chosen** to do this and I can't just -_

_Rogers you are more than the serum_

_And you are more than the suit, Tony._

 

 

_Retract the letter._

_Please._  

 

_You really don't get it do you? The idea of us. It's just. You can't picture it._

  _Tony-_

_Get out Steve._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Natasha's hand rests above Steve's, wet from his fallen tears. 

"What did Tony want?"

 

 

"He’d asked me to marry him. And I said no.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi fam, i'm wondering if splitting the next one into two parts is a better way to manage the word count? it's branching into 5k and i'm still on its skeletal stages. let me know your thoughts! to stretch the angst and dive into more unresolved issues [i've got a few ideas honestly] or just let these babies reunite? leave some love, leave a line, i appreciate them all <3
> 
> title from : paolo nutini - last request.


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